germac
1st june 1983
gemini
playful
stubborn
irritating
procrastinator
a try-to-be perfectionist
good reads - jodi picoult & victor gorelick
classic flicks
music - rhythm is my life
sleeping
fluffy comforters
delectable and enticing food
compulsive obsession with freddo frogs
pastel colors
special treats and surprises
helium balloons
strawberry and mango body butter
doodling
airport arrival halls
will love to visit the 7 wonders one day
September 12th, 2007
"Hello, how's everything?", she beamed.
He hesitated, long enough for her to die inside all over again.
She slid into the passenger seat while he stowed his gear, turned over the ignition and blasted the AC. The car still smelt the same, as how she had remembered just two months back.
She glanced at the stranger next to her and tried to remember when he used to be a part of her.
Instead, she chose to turn and stared out the window, watching the scenery streamed by without registering a single image.
He seemed to be lost in a thousand thoughts, not a single one of which she could guess.
These days, it seemed like the words between them were there only to outline the silences.
She understood better than anyone else that, in the blink of an eye, you might reinvent yourself..
She understood that the person you were yesterday might not be the person you were tomorrow.
But this time, she was the one who wanted to hold on to what she had, instead of letting go.
The breathing space she gave,
had somehow became an inmeasurable distance.
She thought up a thousand questions - How's school? Did you go wakeboarding? Do you think it will rain again tonight?
- but she couldn't speak.
It was too much, sitting there on the leather seat, just a foot away from him, the way she'd sat beside him in the car a hundred times before.
He pulled out of the parking spot and cleared his throat.
"You feeling better?"
Than what? she thought.
She tucked her hair behind her ear and glanced down. She thought of how she used to grasp the stick shift, so that when he reached for it, he would automatically be holding her hand. She slid her palm beneath her thigh and gripped the seat so she wouldn't do anything stupid.
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?"
"All of it. You know. Go to class. Out. Have fun. Make it through the day. Act like... like none of it mattered."
He stopped the car near the park and reached across the seat and brushed his thumb over ther cheek;
until then, she hadn't been aware she was crying. Again.
He sighed. "Girl, it mattered."
By now, the tears were coming faster. "But I love you. I love you so so much."
There was no easy switch that she could flip to stem the flow of feelings, no way to drain the memories that pooled like acid in her stomach because her heart no longer knew what to do with them. She couldn't blame him, she didn't like herself like this, either. These days, her entire life was about making people believe she was someone she wasn't anymore. But she couldn't go back to being the girl she'd been before she met him; that girl was gone.
So where did that leave her?
It was not that he had broken up with her just three months to her final return for good. It was not that she - a nobody elevated to the level of queen by association, who seemed to have hit jackpot - had lost her Cinderella status. It was that she truly believed you could learn how love could change the speed your heart beat, how it made you dream in rainbow colors.
It was that she knew she couldn't have loved him this hard if he hadn't loved her that way too.
He was wavering, she could tell. When he reached over the console and pulled her into his arms, she tucked her head against his neck.
She couldn't remember the last time they were this close to each other. She couldn't remember a lot of things; like the sound of his breathing when he gave himself over to sleep, or the half smile that slipped out like a secret when something took him by surprise.
"I can be whatever you want me to be," she promised.
Please, she said, half question, half command.
Thank you, she murmured, to God, to him, or maybe both, when he held her closer.
His words stirred the hair beside her ear. "You've got to stop. We're over."
His words were like a handful of stones dropped from a cliff.
She disengaged herself, wiping her eyes on the tank top she was wearing that was now a tad too loose for her.
"If it's us, how come you get to decide?"
He didn't answer. He couldn't.
I think I lost my brain but I forgot.
I'm trying to think where I left it,
but it's hard to think without my brain.
Mummykins
Somehow we always say the least,
To those we love the best.
And hope our thoughts are understood,
Although they're unexpressed.
That's why it means so very much,
When days like this are here,
To say how very much you're loved,
Each day throughout the year.
In the lottery of life,
I got the best - it's clear to see.
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.
I love you, Dearie Momsie.
And especially for you...
Mum, I miss you so very much,
On every Mother’s Day.
And not just then, but every minute,
Since you went away.
You were the center of my life,
Before your soul passed on;
It’s just so hard for me to believe,
That you are really gone.
But I celebrate the life you lived,
And all the things you gave me;
My wonderful memories of you,
Are the things that will comfort and save me.
Please think of me, as I think of you,
With hearts so full of love;
I'm looking up at you, sweet Mum,
As you look at me from above.
Happy Mother's Day, 妈咪...
And a very happy birthday to you too.
friendster
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designer Dancing Sheep
now playing
Secret Garden, Bruce Springsteen
She'll let you in her house
If you come knockin' late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides
She'll let you in her car
To go drivin' round
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden, don't think twice
You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget
She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away